Shane wrote this poem for his father. But Tim has never seen it. –
i am so young
and you are not
you are so hard
which i am not
the hard – really
doesn’t suit me. dot.
that’s why i am quiet
but you are not
no, you are loud
and i am not.
we were one and one
makes zero
nothing in the sky
nothing in the fire
everyone his own horror
tangled up in his own desire.
my neck is cracking
it’s cracking so loudly
i am looking for you
my only bride
half me half crony
but the picture is graying.
he was so scared
and i am too
i was the angst-child
now i am split in two
but he wants to sing
jump and build castles
dive
hiss
and emotions missed.
i don’t want that
‘cause that’s not me
i don’t want that either
nor can i longer
do and pretend
love and be silent
of service to him
i need some peace.
so that the neck
no longer cracks
so that the laughter
can come back
so that the guards
stop admonishing me
telling me
to bury my emotions
every little need that is buried within me
as if the death of heart
would free me
and still:
time has gone by.
time has gone by.
from now on
it’s all the same.
i am so soft
and you are not
you are so hard
which i don’t like
the hard – really – suits me not
i am the gentle
until the light leaves its candle.
